Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Please don't let that be me

I have had several conversations lately with people whose ASD children are a little older than Ollie.  I really enjoy seeking the perspective of those who are a few years further ahead in the craziness that is having a child on the autism spectrum.  The wisdom that people have imparted has been and will continue to be invaluable.  There is, however, something that often comes up that worries me.  

So many people are terribly jaded.  It is as if every day is a battleground, a fight against the general public.  The school yard is full of other parents who are to be feared and loathed, no one understands and everyone is the enemy.  It is us versus them.    

People keep telling me that I will lose my optimism, my positivity, my belief that people are generally good.  That in ten years time I too will feel the anger that they feel.  That I'll be one of them.  That I'll walk in to the school yard full of hatred for the other parents, the parents of 'normal' children.  That I will sit at home seething about all of the parties that we aren't invited to, all of the friends that Ollie isn't making, and all of the fun we are missing out on.    

No.  Just no.  

I refuse to believe that I will feel that way.  It won't be me.  I will continue to believe that people are generally caring and good.  Recent experience has shown me that yes, people say stupid things, but I don't believe that they are coming from a bad place.  They just don't know what the right thing to say is.  If we continue to be defensive and oppositional then they will never know the right way.  All they will learn is to stay away.

Maybe Ollie won't be invited to all of the parties, but me being a first rate bitch in the school yard isn't going to help that any, is it? Sure, he is going to have difficulties with making friends, but that won't be the fault of the other parents.  That is something inherent in people with an ASD.  Hating those who don't have the same problems isn't going to change that.  His life is going to be different, but not less.  

I am by nature optimistic and positive.  I like people.  I believe in people.  I also believe in myself and I won't let anyone take that away from me.  This is how I am going to stay.  I promise myself that.  




  1. Everyone is different.

    I have seen the strongest and most positive parents drop their bundle/hope/optimism/spirit at one time or another.

    And I have seen people keep going (despite the most horrific obstacles) with little or no sign of fatigue.

    I have learned that the kindest thing one can do in this journey is to give another the space to vent if they need to. And to genuinely listen. Even if their experience or journey does not mirror yours (so far) or how you hope to go forward.

    1. Yes. All of our experiences are different, aren't they? Until you walk in another person's shoes you really don't know how they feel. I just hope that I don't end up hating the world.

  2. You have a great attitude Susie, keep it up and don't let anyone tell you what or who you are.

  3. You are rocking it suse!! I really can't see you EVER turning into one of 'those' in the school community - you're human and will have thoughts, highs and lows, but you will also find that 'unique' school setting that will b supportive for u all Xo I've only just stumbled across your awesome blog!! Seriously you are amazing!!!