I have a headache. All the time. I have realised it is because I am constantly clenching my teeth. Even in my sleep.
I can't stop crying. It has become normal for me to have tears streaming down my face. I wake up at night and the tears are still there. I don't think I can stop.
All I think about is autism. I can't get it out of my head. In every moment of spare time I pour over the internet, reading reading reading about autism.
My stomach churns every time we have an appointment. I feel hollow in the pit of my stomach. I have lost three kilos in a few weeks because I keep forgetting to eat.
I read somewhere that I won't feel like this forever. That it will get better. I can't see how that is possible.
There are so many treatment options. We need to make the right decision but I feel completely overwhelmed by the information. It must be right.
It is so hard to tell people without completely falling apart.
Every time I think about how this will effect Will I am a mess.
I know things are getting better when I can talk about it without crying. Maybe what I read was right. Maybe I will be okay.
And you know what? I am.